I definitely have mine.
Although, I'd have to tell you that I never looked at it that way, until one of our daughters mentioned it. Actually, she said she "caught" me. She noticed I did certain things that seemed to make a difference. Ways of diffusing tension. Small steps toward loving him. Habits that helped with the happiness of our marriage.
So, yes, I guess I do have my "secrets" and they're really rather simple ones. Nothing big or brilliant, but I'll share them in case you find that they make a difference in your marriage too.
1. Smile warmly first thing in the morning. Okay, so I'm not exactly a morning person. You could say I’m more of a grumpy, where's-my-coffee, kind of person. But I have determined to greet him with the warmest, most loving smile I can muster. Boy! Does this set a wonderful tone for the day.
2. Do more kissing than complaining. This was the one I was "caught" doing. My husband had done something rather irritating. Downright irksome. And my daughter was watching it all from across the room. Rather than reacting, I laughed and planted a big, juicy one on his lips. Hah! That'll teach him. :)
3. Take timing into consideration. So my tendency is to blurt out what I'm feeling...when I'm feeling it. But I'm learning to hold back until I can communicate what I have to say in a calm manner and when he's in a better place to hear me out. It's so worth waiting for the right moment.
4. Make your bedroom a beautiful place. I like turning our room into a lovely oasis for us both. To make sure it’s a clean, warm, and inviting place - somewhere that he knows he can find order and peace. Somewhere special that he wants to be with me.
5. Pick and choose the issues you care about. Decide not to jump on every possible offense. Save your "coupons" for those things that truly matter to you. For instance, I care far less about who takes out the trash than I do about the way he talks to me.
6. Purpose to connect with him each day. We like to have coffee together every morning. And I like to send along a short love note, give him a quick call in the middle of the day, or simply snuggle into him at the end of the evening.
7. Pay attention to the details. The way he likes his coffee. When he feels like talking...and when he doesn't. When he needs an item that I could pick up for him while in town. Those tiny details that express love to him.
8. Bless him with a kind word. Pass on a word of encouragement or appreciation. Make it your daily habit to say something nice to him. It's amazing how that small kindness builds up to something big over time.
9. Reach out and touch him. Before you go to sleep at night. Even if he crawls in bed later than me, I like to reach over and remind him that I'm there. And that I'm always his girl. I want him to drift off thinking about my love for him.
10. Tell him, "I love you." Every day. Who doesn't need to be reminded that he is loved? That he is your special guy? Mine still likes to hear it, even though I've been telling him so for over 20 years now. I figure he’s heard it close to 7, 655 times - give or take a time or two. That's a lot of love.
So those are some of my secrets. Ten of them. It's not much, I know, but I do believe they've made a difference. Our daughter thinks so too. In fact, she's confided that she wants to carry those secrets into her future marriage as well.
I hope she does.
Some secrets are meant to be passed on.
In His grace,
Lisa Jacobson
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